


Façade

by beckalina



Category: Murder by Numbers (2002)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-02
Updated: 2010-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-06 23:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckalina/pseuds/beckalina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With that hair and those lips, I can close my eyes and touch them and pretend he's just like the rest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Façade

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 10/8/2002

I can pretend he's a girl. With that hair and those lips, I can close my eyes and touch them and pretend he's just like the rest. Pretend it's just another blow job, pretend it means nothing to me. I've never reciprocated. I've never touched the naked skin below his shoulders. It would ruin the façade I've crafted so fucking carefully inside my mind.

I don't get attached to girls. I've never had a relationship that lasted longer than two weeks. Fourteen days is the most it's ever taken me to get a chick to be the slut I know she is. I don't like relationships. They weaken a person, cause a severe lack of control. This is the only exception.

This. That's all I can think to call it. I don't know what it is. A year ago I needed help and he was the obvious choice--his nose always buried in some fucking book, his voice spouting Nietzsche and Rimbaud as thoughtlessly and effortlessly as taking a breath. He told me things, things that appealed to a part of me I tried desperately to keep underground--but he saw it anyway. He saw through every lie that left my lips, every pretense I attempted to uphold.

He can probably see through this one. He knows why I never touch him, why my eyes close as soon as his lips touch my cock. He knows that he has this small margin of control over me and he revels in it. And I let him. He's the only one I'd ever turn complete control over to. That's the one thing he doesn't know. He doesn't know that I would take a flying leap onto those rocks below if he really wanted me to right now. That's why it's so important that I keep up this façade, even if only in my own mind. I can't lose control.

"Tomorrow." It's a whisper as he sits up, his eyes locked unflinchingly on mine.

All I can do is nod as I break our gaze to watch him lick the semen from his lips.


End file.
